This weekend I visited London to spend some time with Chris Morris and Katie Abbott and attend their seminar ”Going with the flow”. Reflecting back on it, one of the insights I had during the weekend was about the total neutrality of life.
As we grow up we learn to label events, people and actions as good or bad, happy or sad, lucky or unlucky etc. For life to make sense, we put it into our mental boxes and hope that we’ll collect more of the ”positive” circumstances of life than ”negative”. When it looks like things on the outside determine how we feel, it makes sense for us to collect, save, achieve and do more stuff that seem to make us feel safe, loved, happy, peaceful and avoid the things that seemt to make us feel bad, sad, worried, stressed etc.
But if we look on the outside to change the experience of our life we are looking in the wrong place.
The reason I say this is because the situation, surrounding or person (like the one next to me talking loudly on his phone : -) is actually completely neutral. Completely. We’re not feeling our circumstances – we are feeling our thinking.
As I see it, life is actually much like a drawing book for kids – You get the form (the outline), but all the coloring is up to you. In other words, what happens in your life – happens. What you are feeling is your story about about what happens. The form is the form. Your thoughts are your thoughts.
Like lovely Katie Abbott so nicely put it this weekend: ”100% of my feelings are coming from my thinking”
So does that mean you should train yourself and work hard at ‘coloring your drawing book with nicer colors’ to have a richer experience of life?
No. Pushing yourself to think positive and managing your thoughts might feel better in the moment, but it tends to be exhausting and it’s still not the same as looking at the world with a still, clear mind.
Still mind. Won’t that get boring?
In my experience, no. The crispness of the now is the feeling we all are searching for. The inner joyful feeling of being present and sensing life as neutral goes so much deeper than the ‘mood boosting activities’ that are common in the self help industry.
So what should I do when I find myself thinking negatively and feeling bad?
When people understand that 100% of our mood is coming from our thinking in the moment, but that our well-being/presence/life is separate from our mood, they realize that there’s nothing they have to do about their thinking and almost automatically they’re more able to let their thoughts pass and once again land in the neutral crispness of the now. Just like turning page in the drawing book…
….and in this ‘drawing book of life’ you will always have the chance of a new page – for a new experience of life.
Would you like a conversation? Can I help you?
Contact me and we will book a conversationer in person, on phone or on Skype?