”You’re perfect! You truly are. There is nothing to be fixed, you are not broken. When you were born, you lived and acted from your well-being, happiness and inspiration – Your true self.”
As you probably know, this is the first thing you see when you enter my home page of this website. The reason I have it there is that so many coaching approaches are based on a belief that you have to fix your thinking or your circumstances. You will read stuff like:
- Think positive!
- Get better strategies and take the next step!
- For every negative thought – think 3 positive thoughts!
- 5 techniques to make you happy.
I have no doubt that all of the above are well intended, and I have also been a fan of doing techniques, strategies and adapting new beliefs and behaviours to feel more happy, successful, lovable, alive, capable, etc.
The only problem is:
It’s based on a fundamental misunderstanding of the human mind and where our well-being comes from.
What all the ”ways to happiness” that is mentioned above is pointing to is that you need something outside of yourself to feel good, that there’s something that needs to get fixed. But it is not so. Happiness, well-being, love, presence is our natural state – they are qualities of our essence and the only thing that can come between us and the experience of our essence is thought. That’s all.
In other words, it’s is not circumstance that get’s in the way of you feeling good – it is that you think yourself away from your well-being.
Reflect upon it:
How much are you thinking in the moments you feel the most present, happy, calm, at peace?
How much are you thinking in the moments when you feel stressed out, angry, disappointed, sad, etc?
When the people I work with see that we, as human beings, think up our experience moment to moment but that we aren’t our thoughts life gets simpler,more fun and drastically ‘de-dramatized’ (yes I made that word up). When we get some distance from the dangers and dragons that we think up, they stop effecting us and it’s easier for us to let the thoughts pass – Like the lightposts on a highway or the clouds in the sky.
When our thinking slows down, we land in our natural state by default, therefore fixing, improving, add to or excluding from our thinking is unnecessary. It might even be contra productive as some techniques revs up our thinking.
Here is my view of it.
You don’t have to be good – You are goodness.
You don’t have to be loving – You are love.
You don’t have to be creative – You are creation.
You don’t have to be happy – You are happiness.
You don’t have to be powerful – You are power
You don’t have to be kind – You are kindness
You don’t have to be mindful – You. Are. Mind.[/box]